Why do I keep choosing the same kind of man with a different face? I'm tired of the Merry-go-Round in relationships. Any advice?
If you don’t take time to study the lessons of
history, you will find yourself with the same kind of
relationship getting the same results if you don’t learn
from your experiences. Romans 15:4 reads: “For
everything that was written in the past was written to
teach us, so that through the endurance and the
encouragement of the Scriptures, we might have
hope.” In essence, we have to know what has come
before so that we can learn from it. Get to really
know the person you are spending so much time with.
If you are looking to be in a serious relationship with
this person, watch their day-to-day conduct: How do
they conduct themselves in their everyday affairs?
Do they pay their bills on time? Do they pay their
tithes and offerings? Do they take care of their
children without having to be threatened with
incarceration if they don’t? Why did their last
relationship not work out? How did they treat their
former spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend? These are all
key questions in examining the history of the one that
is entering your life. It does not matter if they are
coming into your life as a business partner or a life
partner in marriage. History may not be your favorite
subject, but in the school of life, it needs to be your
best subject if you desire to allow the events in your
life to make you better, not bitter. ~Excerpt from "I Can Do Good All by Myself!"
Thought for the week: "If you're tired of being dizzy, Get off the Merry-go-Round!"
For more in-depth information on this topic, please call
1-888-813-8481 or click on the "Buy Now" button to order your personal copy today. Be Blessed!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Growing Pains
Please pray for me, I am in a time in my life where I feel so much pressure and the closer I seem to get to where the Lord is calling me distractions are coming my way. Any advice on how you handled distractions, especially when some of those distractions are people that you love? Thanks!
I often found that as I was elevated in the things of God, that's when the enemy tried to attack through distractions, and disturbances. This, as you know, is the time to press into the Spirit of God through prayer so that he can illuminate the tactics of the enemy. Remember, knowledge is POWER! God will not have us to be ignorant of the enemy's devices, and the way we get our Intel is through the avenue of prayer! If the distractions are your loved ones, be sure to lovingly confront them and expose how the enemy is using them, or you can counter attack that through Spiritual Warfare to bind the enemy in that area. He knows that if he tries to use our known enemy, we have a natural enmity against them, but if Satan tries to guise his tactics through loved ones, because our emotions are involved, that's where he hopes our emotions will cause use to shrink back from the fight. Just remember that you are not warring against the person, but the spirit behind their actions. Keeping this focus will keep you keen in the Spirit realm to not be moved by what you see in the natural, but to be sharp in the Spirit.
Thought for the week: 2 Corinthians 10:4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds. ~American King James Version
I often found that as I was elevated in the things of God, that's when the enemy tried to attack through distractions, and disturbances. This, as you know, is the time to press into the Spirit of God through prayer so that he can illuminate the tactics of the enemy. Remember, knowledge is POWER! God will not have us to be ignorant of the enemy's devices, and the way we get our Intel is through the avenue of prayer! If the distractions are your loved ones, be sure to lovingly confront them and expose how the enemy is using them, or you can counter attack that through Spiritual Warfare to bind the enemy in that area. He knows that if he tries to use our known enemy, we have a natural enmity against them, but if Satan tries to guise his tactics through loved ones, because our emotions are involved, that's where he hopes our emotions will cause use to shrink back from the fight. Just remember that you are not warring against the person, but the spirit behind their actions. Keeping this focus will keep you keen in the Spirit realm to not be moved by what you see in the natural, but to be sharp in the Spirit.
Thought for the week: 2 Corinthians 10:4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds. ~American King James Version
Friday, May 28, 2010
If Loving You is Wrong....
"I know that I am treading on dangerous ground in this relationship, but I can't help myself! I have been down the Valley of Disaster in all of my prior relationships, but I see a man that I want and I have to have him. I have gotten Counseling from my Pastor, saved friends and loved ones but nothing is working. I know that loving him is wrong, for more reasons than I want to admit, but.....HELP!"
This submission goes on to define how this individual has been in church all of her life and knows what needs to be done, but she continues to consciously make decisions to do what she wants to do. After working with her for many months, I began to see the pattern of how I would spend hours working with her to find an action plan of what to do, how to do it and her level of determination to do something different. One particular day after spending hours on this process, I released her to carry out our action plan only to have her return to my office a few minutes later with a report that she deliberately did exactly the opposite of what we spent the prior two hours working on! Every action is the result of a DECISION that we make about a situation. In counseling I tell my clients that Responsibility is the end result of choices that we make and the consequences that follow. I see so many people that say they want a Godly mate, but fail to apply Godly principles in pursiut of that kind of relationship. I have learned that a Godly mate is desired by many, but few are willing to follow the guidelines that put them in the running to obtain the prize without utilizing ungodly standards. So I have begun to say, "If you just want a relationship, just say that, but don't put the label of a "Godly" relationship on it to sound spiritual when you know you are not willing to play by the rules for this level of commitment to yourself, the relationship, or to God". The bottom line is this: God does not have to use any of Satan's tools to get His promises to us. If you have to violate the word of God by fornication, adultery, lying, etc. in order to have the relationship, just be prepared for the harvest of the seeds you are planting. Simple as that. In closing, stop praying for a "Man of God" as a mate if you are not going to conduct yourself as a "Woman of God" in order to obtain or maintain the relationship. This Blog is entitled, "If Loving You is Wrong... You can conclude it by the famous stanza and say, "I Don't Want to be Right." Or you can conclude it by saying, "I'm GONNA BE RIGHT!" We are free will agents. The Choice is Yours. Just remember, the greatest witness of your motives is clearly indicated by your actions.
Thought for the week: "Actions speak louder than words"~Michel de Montaigne
This submission goes on to define how this individual has been in church all of her life and knows what needs to be done, but she continues to consciously make decisions to do what she wants to do. After working with her for many months, I began to see the pattern of how I would spend hours working with her to find an action plan of what to do, how to do it and her level of determination to do something different. One particular day after spending hours on this process, I released her to carry out our action plan only to have her return to my office a few minutes later with a report that she deliberately did exactly the opposite of what we spent the prior two hours working on! Every action is the result of a DECISION that we make about a situation. In counseling I tell my clients that Responsibility is the end result of choices that we make and the consequences that follow. I see so many people that say they want a Godly mate, but fail to apply Godly principles in pursiut of that kind of relationship. I have learned that a Godly mate is desired by many, but few are willing to follow the guidelines that put them in the running to obtain the prize without utilizing ungodly standards. So I have begun to say, "If you just want a relationship, just say that, but don't put the label of a "Godly" relationship on it to sound spiritual when you know you are not willing to play by the rules for this level of commitment to yourself, the relationship, or to God". The bottom line is this: God does not have to use any of Satan's tools to get His promises to us. If you have to violate the word of God by fornication, adultery, lying, etc. in order to have the relationship, just be prepared for the harvest of the seeds you are planting. Simple as that. In closing, stop praying for a "Man of God" as a mate if you are not going to conduct yourself as a "Woman of God" in order to obtain or maintain the relationship. This Blog is entitled, "If Loving You is Wrong... You can conclude it by the famous stanza and say, "I Don't Want to be Right." Or you can conclude it by saying, "I'm GONNA BE RIGHT!" We are free will agents. The Choice is Yours. Just remember, the greatest witness of your motives is clearly indicated by your actions.
Thought for the week: "Actions speak louder than words"~Michel de Montaigne
Friday, May 14, 2010
Lovesick & Hopeless
"After years upon years of failed relationships, I am beginning to lose hope that I will ever find the 'one' that God has for me. My friends seem to find relationships with no problem at all. However, even though they have someone, the relationships end up failing and we are all back in the same boat again. Is there really any hope for us? ~Lovesick & Hopeless in Seattle.
Despite the challenges that love and relationships bring, there is an ultimate plan from God that allows us to move past the hurt of betrayal, infidelity, lies and deception into the “land of milk and honey” that God promises to all of his children. When you get to the point that you realize that ”the promises of God are Yea and Amen to the glory of Christ Jesus” (2 Corinthians 1:20) you will realize that His promises are not contingent upon one person. If that person does not fulfill their obligations or commitment to you, the promises of God will not fall to the ground. The Word of God says in Isaiah 46:11 that “God will summons a man from a far country to fulfill his purpose.” What the spirit of God wants us to realize in this passage is that his purposes will stand, and if the arm of the flesh fails us, he will raise up someone who is fit for the challenge. God has a worthy companion for you, but you have to wait on the timing of God and make sure that the mate that you receive is sent from God and God alone. If not, you will be settling for a cheap copy of the original that God has planned for your life. No matter how real something appears to be to the unskilled eye, a discerning eye can pick out a counterfeit every time. Your spirit is designed for a certain kind of mate. Because God is the manufacturer of us all when we belong to him, only he can determine the appropriate compliment to your original design.
Thought for the Week: You are a Designer's Original
Despite the challenges that love and relationships bring, there is an ultimate plan from God that allows us to move past the hurt of betrayal, infidelity, lies and deception into the “land of milk and honey” that God promises to all of his children. When you get to the point that you realize that ”the promises of God are Yea and Amen to the glory of Christ Jesus” (2 Corinthians 1:20) you will realize that His promises are not contingent upon one person. If that person does not fulfill their obligations or commitment to you, the promises of God will not fall to the ground. The Word of God says in Isaiah 46:11 that “God will summons a man from a far country to fulfill his purpose.” What the spirit of God wants us to realize in this passage is that his purposes will stand, and if the arm of the flesh fails us, he will raise up someone who is fit for the challenge. God has a worthy companion for you, but you have to wait on the timing of God and make sure that the mate that you receive is sent from God and God alone. If not, you will be settling for a cheap copy of the original that God has planned for your life. No matter how real something appears to be to the unskilled eye, a discerning eye can pick out a counterfeit every time. Your spirit is designed for a certain kind of mate. Because God is the manufacturer of us all when we belong to him, only he can determine the appropriate compliment to your original design.
Thought for the Week: You are a Designer's Original
Thursday, May 6, 2010
What is Your Worth?
My favorite way of encouraging any “woman in waiting” is in terms of a prize diamond: “Desired by many, seen by few and obtained by only one”. Anyone can look at a prize diamond and say, “Boy, that sure is an exquisite (good looking, gorgeous, stunning, attractive and beautiful) diamond. I sure wouldn’t mind having that”. First of all, the desirability of the diamond is not what is in question. The worth of it is suggested by the fact that the diamond is in a vault, under high security and only serious contenders are allowed to even view it. That’s what the second part of my proverb means. It’s no doubt that you are highly sought after, but when you know your worth, you allow only the serious contenders to get close enough to really know you. What are your prerequisites for a serious contender? Is he/she saved? Does he/she have a relationship with God? Can he see past your physical attributes into the inner chambers of your heart? Only you can determine what qualities a potential mate, your potential mate, should possess. But if you don’t know your worth and set your standards so low that just anyone can handle you, you decrease in value.
This leads to the last portion of my proverb: “obtained by only one”. No matter how many people desire to have you, God has ordained for only one person to have the right to call you their own. When he looked over creation and found not a helpmate that was suitable for Adam, he created Eve. He specifically designed her to compliment his weaknesses, fulfill his needs and satisfy his desires. God has specifically designed that special one for you. Know your worth and don’t sell yourself to the lowest bidder. God has the mate for you that is equipped and qualified to pay the price spiritually and naturally to carry you!
Thought for the week: "Desired by many, seen by few, obtained by only One"~Quote from "I Can Do Good All By Myself"
This leads to the last portion of my proverb: “obtained by only one”. No matter how many people desire to have you, God has ordained for only one person to have the right to call you their own. When he looked over creation and found not a helpmate that was suitable for Adam, he created Eve. He specifically designed her to compliment his weaknesses, fulfill his needs and satisfy his desires. God has specifically designed that special one for you. Know your worth and don’t sell yourself to the lowest bidder. God has the mate for you that is equipped and qualified to pay the price spiritually and naturally to carry you!
Thought for the week: "Desired by many, seen by few, obtained by only One"~Quote from "I Can Do Good All By Myself"
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Dating Mr. Wrong?
"Is is okay for me to date someone while they're still legally married but in the process of a divorce? He goes to church with me and is really a nice guy. I can't help but feel that I'm doing something wrong. Can you help?"
I informed this individual that despite the current paperwork that has been filed for divorce, he is still married to his former wife and, in a spiritual sense, treading on dangerous ground. It has been my experience that the "world system" states that it is okay to date, have sex with, or become intimately involved with someone who is separated and in the process of a divorce. Spiritually speaking, this is an adulterous relationship and the individuals involved are planting seeds of adultery that they will harvest if the matter is not corrected. Looking at this in a deeper sense, the character of the individual is highlighted, and the fact that he is willing to get intimately involved with you while still married to someone else makes me question his level of integrity and commitment. Despite the fact that he "goes to church" with you, I would examine his personal relationship with God. If this relationship was one of total commitment to God, he would realize that his faithfulness is not first and foremost to his soon-to-be Ex-Wife, his commitment is to God who is clear in his word concerning adultery. Being Sold-Out to God first would mean that he would wait until the Divorce is Final, then pursue other relationships just to make sure his hands are clean, and his heart is pure in the situation. Regardless of the grounds of the Divorce, keep in mind: If he is willing to cheat "with" you, he is liable to cheat "on" you. As long as he is still married....You get my point.
Thought for the week: 'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'~Anonymous
I informed this individual that despite the current paperwork that has been filed for divorce, he is still married to his former wife and, in a spiritual sense, treading on dangerous ground. It has been my experience that the "world system" states that it is okay to date, have sex with, or become intimately involved with someone who is separated and in the process of a divorce. Spiritually speaking, this is an adulterous relationship and the individuals involved are planting seeds of adultery that they will harvest if the matter is not corrected. Looking at this in a deeper sense, the character of the individual is highlighted, and the fact that he is willing to get intimately involved with you while still married to someone else makes me question his level of integrity and commitment. Despite the fact that he "goes to church" with you, I would examine his personal relationship with God. If this relationship was one of total commitment to God, he would realize that his faithfulness is not first and foremost to his soon-to-be Ex-Wife, his commitment is to God who is clear in his word concerning adultery. Being Sold-Out to God first would mean that he would wait until the Divorce is Final, then pursue other relationships just to make sure his hands are clean, and his heart is pure in the situation. Regardless of the grounds of the Divorce, keep in mind: If he is willing to cheat "with" you, he is liable to cheat "on" you. As long as he is still married....You get my point.
Thought for the week: 'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'~Anonymous
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Break-Up Advice
I received a call from one of my clients wanting to know what to do with her partner who just up and decided to leave. As I heard the longing in her voice, I told her to take pause and shared the following experience with her. "I know that you want him back, but take a moment to really think about what you would be getting if he came back to you today. Would what you get in return be what you really want, or what you have been settling for over the past few months?" After pondering the questions, she was able to see that if she gave in just for the sake of having him come back home, she would be equally as unhappy as she was before he left. She took the recommendations from the previous post to just take a step back and evaluate the situation for what it really is. After discovering that her partner was making all withdrawals and no deposits from her love bank, she decided to take the time to allow the love of God to replenish her so that she could move on in power to make a decision about the relationship from a place of empowerment, not desperation. If you are in a similar situation, don't feel like you have to make a decision to press the "STOP" button and terminate the relationship without thinking things through. Simply press "PAUSE" to gather your thoughts and emotions. During that quiet time, you will have the tools you need to receive the direction you need to decide whether or not to change the situation all together (STOP), or to pick up where you left off (RESUME PLAY).
Monday, April 12, 2010
BLOG Topic: Relationships
I have received requests to comment on relationship issues. As a Relationship Coach, I will provide updates on a weekly basis, or more often as requests are made....
Q: What do you do when you know you are in a relationship that is NOT God's will for your life?
A: I love this topic, because I see so many women who are so desperate for love and they settle for less than what they truly desire in a relationship. The first step is to know your worth. When you know your value and what a man will have to provide to maintain you, settling for less will become less appealing when you look at the truth of the matter. So many times as individuals, we are afraid to be alone, so we will rather have someone than to wait for "THE ONE". I have learned in life that when we truly belong to God, we will have to do things His way if we want to receive what's in his hands. I recommend taking a step back from the relationship, taking inventory of what you truly desire in line with God's will and compare it to what you really have. If you weigh the balance and are found wanting, remember the word of God in Isaiah 54:5 "For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name". If you are a single individual reading this post, realize that God's choice for you in a mate will have to qualify by heaven's standards to be the natural representative of God's choice for your mate on earth.
For more in-depth information on this topic, please call
1-888-813-8481 to order your personal copy of the book. Be Blessed!
Q: What do you do when you know you are in a relationship that is NOT God's will for your life?
A: I love this topic, because I see so many women who are so desperate for love and they settle for less than what they truly desire in a relationship. The first step is to know your worth. When you know your value and what a man will have to provide to maintain you, settling for less will become less appealing when you look at the truth of the matter. So many times as individuals, we are afraid to be alone, so we will rather have someone than to wait for "THE ONE". I have learned in life that when we truly belong to God, we will have to do things His way if we want to receive what's in his hands. I recommend taking a step back from the relationship, taking inventory of what you truly desire in line with God's will and compare it to what you really have. If you weigh the balance and are found wanting, remember the word of God in Isaiah 54:5 "For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name". If you are a single individual reading this post, realize that God's choice for you in a mate will have to qualify by heaven's standards to be the natural representative of God's choice for your mate on earth.
For more in-depth information on this topic, please call
1-888-813-8481 to order your personal copy of the book. Be Blessed!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The degree to which we receive from God, is determined by our willingness to let go of what is not his. So many times, we want to hold on to things, people and situations that we know are not in God's perfect will for our lives just for the sake of saying we "have" someone or something. At the end of the day, week or year when the thing that we try to hold on to so tightly is replaced with what God really wants us to have once we surrender to him, evaluate how much time and energy has been spent because we desire God's PERMISSIVE will rather than His PERFECT will. Take time to examine your life today. Do some spring cleaning, get rid of the clutter, and see how refreshing life lived according to Purpose can really be!
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