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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dating Mr. Wrong?

"Is is okay for me to date someone while they're still legally married but in the process of a divorce? He goes to church with me and is really a nice guy. I can't help but feel that I'm doing something wrong. Can you help?"
I informed this individual that despite the current paperwork that has been filed for divorce, he is still married to his former wife and, in a spiritual sense, treading on dangerous ground. It has been my experience that the "world system" states that it is okay to date, have sex with, or become intimately involved with someone who is separated and in the process of a divorce. Spiritually speaking, this is an adulterous relationship and the individuals involved are planting seeds of adultery that they will harvest if the matter is not corrected. Looking at this in a deeper sense, the character of the individual is highlighted, and the fact that he is willing to get intimately involved with you while still married to someone else makes me question his level of integrity and commitment. Despite the fact that he "goes to church" with you, I would examine his personal relationship with God. If this relationship was one of total commitment to God, he would realize that his faithfulness is not first and foremost to his soon-to-be Ex-Wife, his commitment is to God who is clear in his word concerning adultery. Being Sold-Out to God first would mean that he would wait until the Divorce is Final, then pursue other relationships just to make sure his hands are clean, and his heart is pure in the situation. Regardless of the grounds of the Divorce, keep in mind: If he is willing to cheat "with" you, he is liable to cheat "on" you. As long as he is still married....You get my point.
Thought for the week: 'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'~Anonymous

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Break-Up Advice

I received a call from one of my clients wanting to know what to do with her partner who just up and decided to leave. As I heard the longing in her voice, I told her to take pause and shared the following experience with her. "I know that you want him back, but take a moment to really think about what you would be getting if he came back to you today. Would what you get in return be what you really want, or what you have been settling for over the past few months?" After pondering the questions, she was able to see that if she gave in just for the sake of having him come back home, she would be equally as unhappy as she was before he left. She took the recommendations from the previous post to just take a step back and evaluate the situation for what it really is. After discovering that her partner was making all withdrawals and no deposits from her love bank, she decided to take the time to allow the love of God to replenish her so that she could move on in power to make a decision about the relationship from a place of empowerment, not desperation. If you are in a similar situation, don't feel like you have to make a decision to press the "STOP" button and terminate the relationship without thinking things through. Simply press "PAUSE" to gather your thoughts and emotions. During that quiet time, you will have the tools you need to receive the direction you need to decide whether or not to change the situation all together (STOP), or to pick up where you left off (RESUME PLAY).

Monday, April 12, 2010

BLOG Topic: Relationships

I have received requests to comment on relationship issues. As a Relationship Coach, I will provide updates on a weekly basis, or more often as requests are made....
Q: What do you do when you know you are in a relationship that is NOT God's will for your life?
A: I love this topic, because I see so many women who are so desperate for love and they settle for less than what they truly desire in a relationship. The first step is to know your worth. When you know your value and what a man will have to provide to maintain you, settling for less will become less appealing when you look at the truth of the matter. So many times as individuals, we are afraid to be alone, so we will rather have someone than to wait for "THE ONE". I have learned in life that when we truly belong to God, we will have to do things His way if we want to receive what's in his hands. I recommend taking a step back from the relationship, taking inventory of what you truly desire in line with God's will and compare it to what you really have. If you weigh the balance and are found wanting, remember the word of God in Isaiah 54:5 "For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name". If you are a single individual reading this post, realize that God's choice for you in a mate will have to qualify by heaven's standards to be the natural representative of God's choice for your mate on earth.

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

The degree to which we receive from God, is determined by our willingness to let go of what is not his. So many times, we want to hold on to things, people and situations that we know are not in God's perfect will for our lives just for the sake of saying we "have" someone or something. At the end of the day, week or year when the thing that we try to hold on to so tightly is replaced with what God really wants us to have once we surrender to him, evaluate how much time and energy has been spent because we desire God's PERMISSIVE will rather than His PERFECT will. Take time to examine your life today. Do some spring cleaning, get rid of the clutter, and see how refreshing life lived according to Purpose can really be!